Science and society have yet to get on board with women “getting off.”
The clitoris is the only organ with the sole function of sexual pleasure. It has an astounding count of at least 8000 nerve endings, more than anywhere else on the body and twice the amount of the entire penis. Still, many health textbooks and sexual education curricula don’t even rub the surface of the organ’s potential. Elusive education about the clitoris and female pleasure is one of the many ways that society upholds what some experts are calling the “orgasm gap.”
The socialization of women and men plays an important role in a pleasure positive sexual approach. Sexual politics writer and civil rights activist Susie Bright said “Let me put it this way: I never met a man who didn’t know where his penis was and hadn’t had an orgasm.”
Many women struggle to orgasm into adulthood, however. Heterosexual men aren’t the only ones who struggle to find or properly utilize the pleasure-powerhouse of the clitoris – women do too.
Sex educators cited that they were banned from talking about the clitoris or oral sex in schools throughout the United States, including California in last 10 years. In one extreme case, The Merriam-Webster Dictionary was banned from Southern California’s Menifee Union School District for its definition of “oral sex.”
Parents and educators join DJ Khaled in his negative feelings about cunnilingus. The popular music producer recently stated that it wouldn’t be okay for a woman to deny her partner oral sex, but that men have no obligation to reciprocate on a radio interview with The Breakfast Club. The lack of information access and negative attitude toward female pleasure is concerning when studies show that as few as 25 percent of women can orgasm through penetrative sexual acts alone. Oral sex is one of the main ways women achieve orgasms with partners.
Studies of sex and sexuality have yet to break from implicit sexism of academia. Entrepreneurs Lydia Daniller and Rob Perkins are dedicated to creating a guide to de-mystify female masturbation and pleasure with their website OMGYES – which is supported by extensive research compiled by the Kinsey Institute and Indiana University’s School of Public Health. They pinpoint one of the complicated issues regarding the lack of information available to women in sexual education.
“There aren’t words for the important ways touch can vary,” the website reads. “There aren’t specific words for the kinds of detailed techniques that matter so much. There are vague, clinical words like ‘stimulate’ and vague, pop-culture words like ‘fingering’ and ‘rubbing.’”
To close the orgasm gap we need to take matters (and mirrors) into our own hands.
Sex therapist Lisa Thomas said the road to orgasm is often closely linked to personal growth as well. She recommends a woman first understand her attitude toward sex. Sexual attitudes are created by a cornucopia of factors. Understanding one’s relationship with sexuality involves deconstructing and understanding their religious upbringing, previous sexual experiences (consensual or not), perception of marriage, understanding of birth control, and sexual health.
The other half is getting comfortable with their body to find the touch they like. Women should grab a few books, a mirror, and get to know (and love) their bodies a little better. If “it” does not come right away, do not fret.
Good things cum to those who wait, too.
