“The home is actually a more dangerous place for American woman than the city streets.”
– Dr. Antonia C. Novello, former U.S. Surgeon General.
Love often seems like a battlefield.
More than 3 million women are severely assaulted each year by their partners. While most cases are physical assaults by men towards women, domestic violence includes physical attacks to coercive behavior from one partner to the other. Domestic violence can be physical, psychological or emotional abuse to any member of the family, even the household pet.
Economic pressure makes DV more common. Spousal abuse is more likely in low-income families and unemployed men are twice as likely to batter wives as employed men. Other triggers are drug and alcohol abuse, having been a victim of DV as a child and low self-esteem.
Often women tolerate abuse because they believe it “normal” or that they do not deserve any better. These thoughts are perpetuated by the three-phase cyclical pattern of abuse.
First is the Tension Building Phase. Where an argument or stressor has come up and tension builds. Second is the Explosion Phase, when the actual battering occurs. Finally comes the Honeymoon Phase, the manipulation used by the batterer to keep the victim around. Typically it involves gifts, apologies and promises that “it will never happen again.” This phase is used to reward the woman for being in the relationship and is often so pleasant the woman believes the promises and stays. This phase is temporary. When it is over, the violent cycle begins again.
Name-calling, threats, humiliation and coercion are all forms of abuse. Women who have been psychologically or emotionally abused have an increased risk of serious or chronic illness, perceived lower levels of control and psychological distress.
Psychological distress includes fear, low self-esteem, depression, inability to trust, nightmares, guilt, feelings of inferiority, introversion and helplessness. Many abused women may develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Awareness of DV and its many faces can help prevent it. Partners need to maintain open communication. Disagreements are a normal part of any relationship, but keep them respectful. Look out for intimidation, name calling and bullying because those tactics are not healthy and can easily lead to a physical attack. Tell your partner when something makes you uncomfortable and try to resolve it yourselves, but be open to help from a professional. Most importantly, if you ever feel unsafe or have been hurt, get out of the environment immediately and seek medical attention if necessary.
Love should not hurt.
