Growing up I was always something like the black sheep of my African-American family. I was the odd ball in my group of friends, and the exception for my employers and boyfriends.
I am black, but apparently sound and act “white”. I don’t see a problem with the way that I am, but according to the outside world I am a white girl, inside out Oreo, valley girl, snow bunny, or my most favorite of all, “a snowflake.”
I have received endless nicknames throughout the years.
I remember I was fighting with my siblings years ago to not come in my room and my mom rushed in and yelled “Why do you have to sound so white?” I felt my heart drop and my eyes water. I did not understand. Home was supposed to be a safe place where I could be myself. I could tell my mom could not believe she said that out loud by the look of terror on her face. She did not know what to say and I didn’t know what to feel. It was so long ago, but she never apologized and I never forgot.
Most of my friends joke about how I am not considered a real black girl. Boyfriends outside of my race have emphasized on how I am the exception due to me not being the average black girl (loud, obnoxious, unattractive, ghetto, dominant, rude and confrontational) because of the way that I sound and act. While the men I have dated within my race question why I talk and act the way I do and tend to not take me as serious as they would other black women.
When I was younger I used to have a problem with the way I am because I was bullied in school and at home. My family treated me like they did not want me around and I did not understand why. Friends seemed embarrassed of me when we would hang out in big groups. I was teased by every boy that I had dated and by his family when I got to meet them. Sometimes it was playful and sometimes it was hurtful. It made me feel insecure about who I was and like I needed to change myself in order to fit in.
As I have gotten older I have grown to love and appreciate who I am. There is always room for improvement and change. Nobody is perfect and everyone has flaws, but the way that I act and sound are fine.