Photo: Courtesy Ernesto Rivera
Cesar Garay was just a child the first time his dad was kidnapped.
Garay’s home faced a bridge where the crime cartels hung bodies to send a message. His family worried that Señor Garay would be one of them.
Garay’s 22 years have never been easy. He crossed the border nearly every day and started working full-time at 12. He also tried to find time to help his family.
Garay lived in Tijuana until middle school. His dad—the sole provider for a family of six—ran a 30-year-old business importing and exporting supplies for ranches. It was a good business, but also provided a gateway for extortion and dangerous criminals. Tijuana was already a hostile place to own a business and raise a family when his dad was kidnapped by a criminal cartel the first time in 2006.
“My family was threatened with murder, the (cartel members) knew where we lived, where we went to school and what time we got out,” he said.
Garay’s mother decided to leave Tijuana for her children’s safety. Tension developed in the family and once his dad was returned unharmed, his parents divorced. Garay’s mother and three brothers crossed the border to start a whole new life in the United States. It was a very different transition.
“We moved here with nothing, my mom had no job,” he said. “The only thing my dad gave her was a little bit of money to rent an apartment.”
With little money and little English, Garay’s mother opened a catering business. Garay and his brothers were the staff. He went straight from school to work all through secondary school, missing out on sports, clubs, extracurricular activities and developing friendships.
Garay said high school was especially difficult because he was bullied for the way he spoke and his appearance. He also struggled with his sexuality, unsure if he was gay or bisexual. His conservative upbringing added to the stress. At first he felt it was wrong to consider himself a member of the LGBTQ community, he said, or at least that is what he had been taught.
He kept his sexuality private until recently when he met a young man in a class at SC. They began a relationship and Garay came out to his family members. They did not respond well to the news.
“I was called every single thing you can imagine,” he said. “I was called a faggot, I was gonna burn in hell, you’re a disgrace to this family.”
He also lost people he thought were friends, he said. He was pushed away by peers from his church, who mysteriously accused him of sexual harassment. He said he was surprised by the level of hate he received from so-called Christians.
“(Because of) my sexuality I got to know the real side of people.” he said.
His once-loving mom gave him an awful ultimatum.
“Either you change who you are or you don’t come back,” Garay recalled her saying.
He moved out.
Poverty and homelessness ensued as he struggled to pay for classes, supplies and food. Garay resorted to living in his car and dumpster diving. That is when he finally decided to ask for help. During a visit to the Jag Kitchen he received an SC Cares Grant. He also thanked friends who helped him with supplies for classes and professors that helped him with textbooks. SC, he said, was his light of hope in a deep dark tunnel of despair.
Garay, less worried about starvation, became involved in the ASO last year. He worked with Dean of Student Services Dr. Malia Flood on issues, involving EOPS, Veterans Services and Disability Support Services. Flood said Garay has a huge heart, is altruistic and eager to help students. Flood said she sees him doing great things in the future.
“He definitely has a passion for living,” she said.
Garay also took advantage of the SC Cares Closet, which provides students with business casual clothing. Academic Senate President Emily Morissette, director of the closet, said Garay is a good spirit and helpful.
“He has been an absolute professional and delight to work with,” she said.
Garay’s newest project is MAJA, the Mexican American Japanese Alliance. He said the U.S., Mexico and Japan have a special bond in the San Diego-Tijuana borderlands that people should celebrate. MAJA is a “learning community,” he said, where students can learn Japanese culture, philosophy, folklore and arts. Garay said he has Japanese ancestry he wanted to share his enthusiasm about the culture. It is also cathartic, he said.
“I wanted to take all that hate, negativity and pain and turn it into something beautiful for students and the school, not just for me,” he said.
Garay has earned an Associate’s degree in Art History, and is now studying communications and French.
UCSD, UCLA and the University of British Columbia are his transfer targets. He would like to major in Asian Studies and work with the United Nations as a translator or a professor in another country teaching Spanish.
“No matter how hard things get, how bad it hurts, how much you cry, you have to keep running, you can’t stop,” he said. “That’s what I did.”
Garay lives in his car, but he said it is an improvement.
“Even though I sleep in my car, I don’t feel homeless because I’m always really busy.”
