Healthy relationships have their good and bad times as long as there is love.
When a relationship is based on control, it may be time to end it.
Many students involved in abusive relationships may not say anything due to a lack of confidence and self-esteem which can emanate from the abuse.
Students must learn to identify abuse, talk about it, seek help and not be afraid to report an abuser. Students who witness abuse need to speak up.
Domestic violence happens in every socio-economic group and culture. Sometimes domestic violence happens out in the open at SC. We all have a duty to intervene or get help.
Signs of abuse include yelling, profanity, unwanted grabbing or holding, inability to leave, threats and cruel comments.
Psychological abuse is increasingly common and can play out on a college campus. It should be immediately reported to campus police or a nearby employee.
SC crisis psychologist Dr. Clarence Amaral said abusive and violent behavior can run in families for generations and is called epigenesis trauma. Abusers and victims often were subjected to violence during childhood. Abused children are often not able to concentrate at school and act out, causing stress and suspicion to intensify, Amaral said.
“People are being put on medication because of stress and anxiety at school not knowing that sometimes it has its origins within the family,” he said.
Amaral said relationships should not cause fear, anxiety and trepidation. Violence is not love.
“It is important to identify the problem, report it and not normalize it,” he said.
Personal Wellness Services last year saw a total of 515 students, Amaral said, and 10 percent were for domestic violence situations.
San Diego County data showed 17,513 domestic violence incidents in 2018, a four percent in-crease over 2017. That included 15 homicides by a current of former intimate partner. Children are often secondary victims who may become abusers in the future.
Atlanta’s Centers for Disease Control reported that 24 percent of women and 14 percent of men have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. About two-thirds of the female victims were stalked by a current of former intimate partner.
Amaral said abusers are often charming and sociable at first, but can change. Sometimes the evolution is gradual, sometimes it is sudden, he said. Either way, the victim needs to get help.
“Abusive relationships should never be tolerated. That’s no way to live, living under a threat” he said. “People come here with a black eye or some kind of physical bruises. It is important to develop a plan and know where to get the resources to get help.”
Students may visit Personal Wellness Services at any time by walking in. No appointment is necessary and there is no cost for services. All visits are confidential.
