It swells, leaks, folds, expands and absorbs. It’s the biggest sexual organ on the human body and it reacts to everything we see, feel or think. Its sensitivity is rivaled by no other part on the human body, and no two are alike. It indicates to the world that we are alive, grows with life or shrinks with cold, expands, retracts, stiffens and relaxes.
If you’re thinking about a penis, you might be sorely disappointed. I’m talking about skin.
Skin is comprised of three layers of cell types and comes in all shades and pore sizes. We paint it, scar it (whether on purpose, accident or to fix something inside), try to shrink it or inject things into it, all in the name of beauty and attraction.
Infants have been known to recover from serious illnesses due to touch, as it lowers blood pressure and stress. Those who are held regularly are more secure, adaptable and have also shown a decrease in emotional, social and behavioral problems later in life.
Western cultures have gravitated toward individualistic societies, believing that touch, whether about strangers, friends, or even our own bodies, is taboo.
It’s not surprising that few realize just how important skin is when it comes to connecting with a partner. It indicates arousal, embarrassment, chemistry and displeasure. A slight touch can pucker pores and raise hairs to retain warmth, something we call goosebumps. Skin can be a billboard of emotion to our own true feelings, whether it’s that first tingling kiss, a final moment of ecstasy or nothing at all.
Skin also has its own language. It requires no words and our physical reactions can rarely be controlled. Along with how we move and what we put on over it, skin tattles about our health, genetics, diet and emotions, all without uttering a syllable. Every single square inch of skin is covered in thousands of nerve endings, some more than others, each sending signals directly to the brain. Inside a tiny pea-sized clitoris there are an estimated 8,000 nerve endings, whereas the penis has only half that many.
Reading someone else’s skin language isn’t as hard as one might think. People have been finding ways to have fun with skin – in and out of the bedroom – for thousands of years. Whether deeply intimate or just plain kinky, focusing on our most sensitive organ can sometimes lead to surprising results about ourselves and partners.
Blindfolding, for instance, can remove one of the senses we depend on the most. Without being able to see what a partner is doing, listening and feeling become the main focus. Without sight, sometimes the slightest touch can be enhanced tenfold. Some couples enjoy sensory deprivation, canceling out sight and sound to enhance physical sensation.
While feathers and hot wax might be too much for some, our most basic need to thrive is fed through intimacy and touch. For those thinking only of genitals or breasts, expand your mind a little and look at your partner from head to toe. From scalp to soles of feet, skin covers every single square inch of the human body, and some parts are more sensitive than others. Muscles along the spine often carry stress and tension, which can easily be remedied by massage. Skin that is often left untouched, such as the underside of the bicep, the nape and ears can send shivers of pleasure directly through the brain. Everyone enjoys touch in a different way. Some are turned on by sensitive, feather-like touches, others like more definitive, rougher touch. To find out what a partner likes, ask!
Knowing, or even the journey of discovering what a partner likes, can be eye-opening. Taking the time to get to know their bodies can create an emotional and physical bond.
Touch, however, isn’t always a positive experience. Those who are victims of rape or molestation, no matter the age, can associate touch as a frightening, negative experience. Without help—talking to professionals and/or having positive experiences — those who have been physically, sexually or emotionally assaulted may shy away from human contact altogether, living in emotional isolation and depression. Touch is not always positive but there are ways to re-learn, or learn for the first time, that it is not always negative, either. Communicating those fears and needs can be the difference between feeling like a victim, or healing as a survivor.
For those committed to abstinence, this can be a great way to connect physically without fear of going too far. Clothes don’t have to be removed to give a partner a massage or to snuggle during a movie.
So if you’re thinking of giving your partner something amazing, consider waking up some nerve cells in their skin and get to know them on a skin-deep level.
