Abuse can come in many forms. Physical, sexual and verbal abuse can all be devastating.
Emotional abuse, however, is rarely spoken about. Emotional abuse is often difficult to detect because it does not leave behind physical bruises or scars the victims might not even know they are being abused.
Emotional abuse can happen in any relationship and anyone can be the perpetrator. Both men and women are capable of giving and receiving. It does not necessarily come from significant others. Parents, siblings, coworkers and friends can be emotional abusers.
It is very likely that most people have used emotionally abusive tactics in the heat of an argument and not realized it. Because it is so common, it is important to be able to identify what is emotionally abusive and when it is happening before toxic tactics turn into a toxic relationship.
Abuse techniques can impair their victim’s sense of worthiness, trust and confidence. They make victims question themselves and most are manipulate through tactics such as fear or shame.
Like racist code words, the language of emotional abuse is subtle but devastating. Examples are damaging phrases like “You should feel lucky I love you, because no one else can,” or “Why waste so much time on your appearance? It never helps.”
Put downs are the most common and hurtful medium of emotional abuse. They might seem like a small easy thing to deflect, but if the abuser says the same thing repeatedly the victim will take it to be true. Put downs target ones self-esteem, making them feel as if they have no other choice other than being with their abuser.
“Gaslighting” is another common example of manipulation, though very few people know about it. The term gaslighting comes from a 1938 stage play by the name of “Gas Light,” the story of a manipulative husband trying to get rid of his wife by slowly making her feel as if she is going insane.
Gaslighting is making someone question their own reality or making them feel unstable. Gaslighters pump so much doubt into their victims’ mind that victims feel they can no longer trust their and judgment and give into their manipulator’s accusations. By giving in, the victims give up their power and hand control to their abuser.
Men emotionally abuse women by creating the fear of physical harm, threatening to leave her or keeping her from the things or people she loves. Abusive women manipulate by using shame. They shame by controlling his fear of being a failure in their role as a lover or provider.
People who suspect they may be emotionally abused should reflect on themselves and ask if they are constantly second guessing themselves, are confused, are asking if they are too sensitive, are withholding information from their friends or family or making excuses for their partners. If the answer is yes, some reevaluating may be in order.
There is a fine line between being in a relationship with someone who occasionally uses these techniques in the heat of an argument and someone who is a master manipulator.
If toxic habits have crept into your relationship the best thing to do is to stand up and call out the toxic habit. Best advice – trust your emotions.
